Ode to my sister Tyann

I wanted to get this done before the wedding on May 11, but I did not get a chance. I thought I could incorporate this in my matron of honor speech... but, I really didn't think I could get through it.. and we'd both had enough stress... but here it goes.

So, I probably was ELATED when mom and dad said that I was going to have a little brother or sister, but nobody prepared a 6 yr old for that little sister to arrive on their birthday. So seriously, only child for 6 years and then SHE comes. I do remember no understanding fully why my mom was not there for my birthday, and knowing she was in the hospital, but thinking I didn't like it.

I think I was a good big sister for a period of time. I think I remember Tyann being a challenging infant, and since I have had my own kids, my mom will say.... "Oh yeah, Tyann did this that or the other..." And, I think I remember that.

And, then let me not bore you and skip to our teenage-ish years, and we DID NOT get along. That child stole everything from me, and either gave it to her friends, she wore it, or she just flat out hid it from me, such as clothes, and other things that were important to me. I feel like now, that a lot of siblings have this kind of relationship that are this far apart, but, we just did not click.

As time moved on, and probably notably when I moved to Indy, we did get closer, but never closer than we are right now. I have seen my sister turn into a lady that has her head on straight, compassionate, empathetic, passionate, and an over all good person. I have seen her turn into a blooming step mom, and she will be a spectacular wife I feel. Mike is someone that excepts my sister for who she is, and the good and the bad, as we all have... I have seen my sister mature in ways I didn't think was possible in the last few years with Mike, and I couldnt' be happier for that. I love my sister, I love who she has become, and even the relationship we had before... it is, what it is.
I wish her and Mike, and her stepson Logan the best that life can bring. I love that she has found a huge passion for animal rescue, and I love that I think she will be another positive role model for Logan. Cheers to many great years Millers!

Better late than never....

January and February AND MARCH!!! blog FAIL!!!  It's been busy of course.

Christmas was good. The kids got a lot of presents. They really enjoyed the idea of Santa this year, although didn't completely grasp the concept. We did spend night after night driving around finding yard blow-ups, and went through Reynolds display a few dozen times... YES, DOZEN times. Each time, they would mention the same items in the display. Lilly got to the point of sounding like a tour-guide, "Santa Claus out Lilly's window, comin up." Each time she knew we were about to see something, it was always.... "cooominnnn uppppp". Quite funny. We had a very nice time spending the holidays with our families. Of course, it was so nice to take the decorations down, since the kids would not leave the tree alone. I'm hoping next year they are a little better about it. We did take the kids to see Santa again this year. Owen screamed, and Lilly and Grey sat there, looking terrified. But, we got the picture and the memory!

It's winter, so we have spent a lot of time back and forth to the doctor. Luckily the man reason is NOT Grey's ears. It's been ugly colds, bronchitis, fevers, etc for all three here and there. I will be so glad when this phase passes. As a whole we are having sleep issues with Lilly and Owen mostly. Owen insists on sleeping with Todd and I. It's something we get bad at when he is sick, and then it's hard to talk him into sleeping in his own bed when he is not. He had an appointment with a new ENT to check on his tubes, and he has an appointment to have his tonsils and adenoids out April 22nd. I think this will also help his sleep. He snores a lot, and also is very jerky, and jumpy when he sleeps. I have noticed when I hold him sometimes in the night that he does stop breathing, or breaths very shallow for periods of time, so I'm guessing he has significant apnea. The ENT said that he has very large tonsils, and therefore, we can do a sleep study, but may end up again back there with little to no answers. So, we opted to just do it. I think it will help him all the way around. Lilly just doesn't think she needs sleep. She doesn't like to nap, and she definitely doesn't want to go to bed at night. ugh... I could go on and on, I will spare you. Nonetheless, there is not a lot of sleeping going on around here.

We just discovered that Grey has some return of reflux. So, we will attempt to change up his diet and we saw his GI diet, and he is on some medicine... will keep him there for a few months, and try to wean him off. But Grey is doing great. He is talking super. Can't all the times make out every word, but no doubt he has a message, and knows what he wants to say.

Todd and I had the opportunity to get away late February. We took a trip to Los Cabos, Mexico. We stayed at an all inclusive, adult only resort called Pueblo Bonito Pacifica. I will spare you those details as well, and actually typing them makes me long to return quickly... but we had an excellent time. The kids did well with the grandparents. I think both the grandparents and the kids were happy we returned! Here are some pics to get you updated. I will try to be better.
OH. and my sister is getting married May 11th. I am Matron of Honor. That has kept us busy. Last weekend was the shower, this weekend is the bachelorette party. sheww.... BREAK.... HERE WE GO!

December 3 years ago.... Our IVF story

Why this post is important to me, I don't know. But, I wanted to do this last year in December, but didn't get a chance. December 2nd 2009, we did our second fresh IVF cycle. For those that have not had to go thru IVF... a fresh cyle is where your ovaries are carefully stimulated to make many follicles (eggs). This is usually by injections daily, ultrasounds and lab work every so many days... every cycle, every woman is different. I wish I would have kept a blog of my thoughts and feelings back then. In fact, I did... but I erased it after rereading it several hundred times. It was too painful to read. I just couldn't do it. I wish I hadn't.

After it is deemed that your follicles are ready to be fertilized, the woman is given conscious sedation, the man gives his sample, and they are fertilized (hopefully) by an embryologist in a lab. They are observed daily. Ours made it to a 5 day transfer, meaning they were let to grow in a petri-dish (for lack of better terms) and hopefully turn into a blastocyst, or even better an expanding blastocyst. At 5 days of dividing, this is where they should be, and gives them the best chance for survival inside of the uterus. (Mind you, I am just a nurse, but not an infertility professional).... But, Todd and I have been thru 2 fresh cycles. That is the short version, not containing all of the emotions, anxiety, medical procedures, and waiting etc. After that 5 days, they are put into a syringe like device, and injected into the woman's uterus. Then... the wait begins. You may start your menstrual cycle (worse case scenario), or you go in for a lab draw usually 9 days after that transfer to see if you are pregnant.

And so, when it works, you have a picture of your kids 5 days after they were fertilized. Before they were implanted into your uterus to grow. Before they have developed all of their organs, before they have gender, their personality, their name, their everything.

Now, when Todd and I went through this December 2009, we had in our mind that this was likely our last fresh cycle. Emotionally, we were spent. We would have discussed it further had it not worked, but that was the plan going into the cycle. After talking to our doctor (Dr. Kenneth Moghadam) who was then at Jarrett Fertility in Indianapolis, and has now started his own practice in Austin, Texas... We decided together that after having an early miscarriage with our first fresh cycle, nothing with our second frozen cycle, the third cycle, which was our second fresh cycle... I wanted to transfer 3 back in if we could. When we arrived that morning, the embryologist gave us a picture of our embryos and it had 2. I said, Moghadam and I (and Todd)  had discussed transferring 3. By the way, I cannot, (CANNOT) say enough good things about Moghadam. He is honest, fair, empathetic, compassionate, and reasonable. The best thing, he is good at what he does, and he loves what he does. The embryologist said, ok, I will go pick the next best one. Out came the next picture with the "next best" one. lol. That may bother some of you to talk about your children this way... but.. it doesn't bother me a bit. I laugh at it. I have 3 beautiful children. And, I have a very early Maurer triplet family picture. I have no idea who is who. One can only speculate who is who in this picture because, Owen (baby A) was always about a day ahead of Lilly, and therefore I conclude was the expanding blastocyst. Lilly was (baby B) and she was again, about a day behind Owen, and was a blastocyst I conclude, and Grey (baby C) I think was the early blastocyst. He was the smallest. He was the last developing, his yolk sac was biggest the longest, and it just makes me conclude that. And... I just have that feeling. So, that is what I think.
Then, following is the picture of them being injected into my uterus with a little saline flush. I remember laying on that table... (bladder full)... just laying in there, and said a prayer, and quickly ran to the bathroom! :)

Introducing their first, second, and third picture together!

 

They were much quieter back then.....

 



Petri dish updates

So many updates and pictures, so little time.

We have been sick since about August with some sort of crud. Take Grey out of the mix even... Lilly and Owen, me, mostly. This time around Todd got the sniffles and a cough too. The cough is just relentless. My in-laws get everything the kids cook up in their little petri-dish bodies too... luckily my mom works at a large pharmacy... so, I think she is immune to about everything. Nonetheless, today and yesterday we are without snot. For that, I am thankful!

My brother got married last month. Lilly was in the wedding, and did spectacular. She really took to the other beautiful flowergirl that was in the wedding. She was 7. They hit it off immediately, and that was a blessing. Lillian walked down the isle just as she should have. She even wore her "pettee dess, and pettee shoes" and left her hair bow/flower thing in until it disappeared somewhere between the wedding and the reception. After she was done walking down the isle, she was promptly escorted to me via a few people, as I knew she would not stay up there in front of all of those people, and then she went to the back of the church... and duty called... eh, hmmmm. She had to poop. I think it was a combo of being scared, and just needing to go. Lilly is my little constipated girl, and well.. she had  been working on it for a few hours I think. I was happy she was escorted out.

I was so thankful that my inlaws were there, as the triplets were NOT good, repeat... NOT good for more than 2 minutes in the church. They didn't even get to see the bride walk down the isle. Todd and his parents took the kids out in the hall to a coat room, and they played and colored, and I was able to watch the wedding from the back row. I was happy to have seen their vows etc. It was a beautiful event. I was very happy for them, and glad that we were able to attend. The kids were so happy to see a dance floor. Seems they knew what it was for, and what they were supposed to do. Immediately before they even started the dance music, just the dinner music, the kids were out on the floor, doing what looked like a toddler worm, breakdancing... etc. It was funny.

Halloween followed not too long after that. The kids were all Mr. and Ms. Potatoheads. They were all so different for trick-or-treating. Lilly was all about the candy. She has been affectionately nicknamed "Honey Boo Boo". That little girl loves her candy. She calls suckers, "sucker-balls". No comment. I think it's likely because most suckers are shaped like balls. But a child relentlessly yelling "Sucker-ball Mommy, Sucker-ball" is a bit embarrassing. Owen didn't care if he had the candy or not, if it meant that he had to go up to the door. Grey was all about going to the door, and he would at times give others candy that were trying to give him candy, OR, he would reach his little hands in the bowls and take a bunch without permission. It was a toss up with him.

They had their daycare/preschool pictures. They were so good.

Grey almost spent the night in the hospital. 104 temp, lethargic, vomiting. IV fluids, and IV antibiotic. He perked up. I think it was just an ugly, ugly virus that got him down. Nonetheless, I'm not against using antibiotics just in case. Sorry. I am just not. Never again will I buy cupcakes with blue frosting. After chunks of blue icing vomit...  let's just say we won't be having those again.

Yesterday was the day that Grey came home 2 years ago. If you are unfamiliar with his story, or pictures of them all back then. It's worth a trip back to those dates. He's come a long way. Knock on wood.... I hate to even type this.. But, I think his ears are good. He passed his sedation hearing test on all frequencies, so he has thankfully suffered no hearing loss from all of this. He will occasionally when scolded, hold his ears, or arm where his picc line was, and let you know he had "owie" there. He's quite the manipulator. He has been using 2 words together quite frequently... and his speech, and play skills have been progressing so much since he can... well, since he can hear now. He is quite often the instigator of battles around here. I think he gets the brunt of what his actions have caused, and I usually see the retaliation. Grey can't cash the checks that he has written at times, so he has to be protected from himself. He can be seen hitting and running from Owen. Owen=40lbs, 40 inches. Grey=22lbs 34 inches. Get it? Grey doesn't....

Owen on the other hand, does know that he is large and in charge. That child is big. Just big. Proportionately big... and surprisingly enough, he is the pickiest eater of them all. BUT, he LOVES MILK! As my mom said this week, "He doesn't let any grass grow underneath him." and indeed he doesn't. He is always on the move. He is the biggest helper of the 3. If you ask him to go get something, or help you with something. He is the first to nodd, and smile, and be on his way. Owen can be found (in the coldest room of the house) stripped to his diaper in his crib, so he can be up against all of his 6 silky/velour blankets in his crib. Why he doesn't use his crib as a hurdle, and jump out, is beyond me.... but I am SO thankful he has not figured out, it would be incredibly easy and fun for him to do. Since Owen usually gets his colds in his chest, he has the hardest time sleeping when he is sick. He does have an as needed nebulizer treatment machine that we utilized  as a comminal treatment mask these last few weeks with this terrible cough everyone has had. He finds himself frequently in our bed in the middle of the night when he is sick. He says, "nuggle wit daddy". He loves to lay and snuggle with Todd. And, it's hard to argue with him when he spoons with Todd, and they are both back snoring in a matter of 2 minutes from the time that little blonde head hits the pillow. But, then it's hard to break once he is not sick. That is where we are now. urgh.

Lillian. My dear little chatterbox Lillian. She is a momma's girl to a fault. We are currently having issues getting her to sleep at night without rocking her for hours, yes.... HOURS at night. Last few nights, it's been 11pm before she decides to give in. It used to be that when I'd rock her, I'd put her down, and she wouldn't even be asleep. She'd just fall asleep, babbling, or whatever. Then it has slowly progressed at night to a battle. If I put her down, she will often wake up after I have rocked her. Then she can be heard, "Mommy rock you, please, mommy rock you". (gotta love toddler grammar) Over and over, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Mommy. It's enough to make you wanna change your name. If you don't go up there, she will start yelling DADDY, OWEN, GREY.... Seriously. Once I go in there again, she is so hysterical. I hate to see her like that. But, she will say when I go in there, "Mommy, I love you, I love you, you have pettee hair, such pettee hair. " The list goes on and on. "Please no bed, Ninny scared." OMG...... More to come on that I'm guessing.

We are going to start Magic 1-2-3. We have to start something for the fits, and tantrums, and the physical assaults that happen around here. I talked to the peditrician, and he just told me that there are few people that can imagine having 3 (2) yr olds at home, and yeah, it would feel like they run your house, and having 2 boys in the mix is going to result in having some physicalness. THANKS!... lol.

Todd and I got away for a night, and went to a spa/casino in southern Indiana. It was great. I don't think the kids were too great for my mom and sister in law, but... they all made it. We rescheduled our Cabo trip for the end of February. We are both looking forward to it.
I have to admit, since about the time Owen broke his leg, and then all of Grey's ear issues, I have put myself on hold. I need to renew my self care, and put myself back in priority as best I can.
Here are a few pictures from the last month or so.

                                                      All 3 actually sitting still...

                                                   Grey running on the pier

                                            Lilly smelling flowers at Ft. Harrison

Owen Running!

                                                  The boys... so different, yet... so very similar!
  

                                                     Love those little Grey buns!

                                                              Picking out pumpkins...

                                                                   Poor kitty....

                                                                3 Potatoheads!

                                                                           Grey

                                                                          Lilly

                                                                       Owen

 Oh... the dreaded blue cupcakes. Not again... for a long, long time. As  you see, Grey must not have been feel

Ode to my brother Troy

This weekend my brother is getting married in Ft. Wayne. I’d like to say a few words since I am not the best man…. ;)

Lillian is in the wedding as a flower girl. I take no responsibility for her actions, she is 2. Let’s hope for the best, and pray that she likes her co-flowergirl! Now that I got that out of the way…..

Let me tell you a little about my brother via my prospective. Troy is a very bright boy, always has been. For about 2 years he had legs that were 6 inches long… no joke. I can say that my brother and I are likely “closer” than my sister and I. Although that changes at times. Tyann, my sister would say that Troy and her are closer as well. Troy and I are 8 years apart in age, and I think that is why we are closer. We have nothing, yet so much in common.

Troy and I have a lot of personality traits in common. We both care way too much for and about people, and can let our emotions get in our way. We both think before we speak, yet still say what we know we should not…. (although, I have matured out of this bad habit a bit, it caused way too much turmoil for me). We both played sports, and enjoy them. We both care way too much about what others think of us, again… I too have matured a bit more than he has had the opportunity to do yet.

I am so fortunate to have my brother and sister…. Really we take this for granted, and Todd reminds me of this, as he no longer has his beloved brother Travis.

Troy and I have been through our ups and downs. He has watched me go through things perhaps he didn’t understand professionally, personally, and in relationships. And I have done the same for him.

I have watched him grow up, from this little boy… to a man, getting married. It’s unbelievable. My hope for you and Jessica is this Troy…. Be mindful of each other, take care of each other. As you already know, but be sure to keep in mind along the way… it isn’t always perfect, nor will anything be Cleaver-like EVER. Have fun before you settle down and have kids. And, when deciding on how many kids to have, leave the 0.6 off of the 2.6 average each American family has. Stick with 2 ;). Lol! Be good with your money. Love each other. Communicate. Pray.

I love you both. Be good to each other. Treat each other like you are all each other has. Don’t quit, don’t give up. Marriage sometimes sucks, don’t let anyone tell you anything different. It’s work. But just know when it becomes more work than it is love or happiness, then you know, you have some real work to do!

Best wishes Jessica and Troy!

A Fungus Among Us, literally

Well, Grey’s procedure went well last week. He got new tubes, cultures, and ear washings. His Picc line has been a pain, but a necessary evil, and definitely less of a pain than his feeding tube that is for sure. I cannot say that Grey has embraced his IV.He would like to think that it is invisible, and when it has to be flushed, or the antibiotic is hooked up, you literally have to tackle him and hold him down. Today was the first picc line dressing change, and that was…. Less than fun.

Grey and his Picc line pictures. I try to tell him it's his airplane... here he is trying to make it fly.

Good news and bad news about the cultures from last week. The bacteria is gone. So staph, and e-coli, gone. Super. But, yes… you guessed it, he has aspergillus in both ears. That of course is a fungus. Being that there is no fda approved antifungal ear drop for people that have holes in their ear drums (tubes), we are left trying to be innovative. I cannot even go into the exhaustive story about how we got to this place, but we will go tomorrow to have some antifungal powder blown into his ear by his ENT NP, and that will last for 3 days. After that, we may end up doing some over the counter lotramin solution. Then it’s back to see ENT, and Inf Disease md next week. We will continue to do the IV antibiotics until we know that the ears are dry, and the fungus is under control. I feel like, for the first time, we have the right team on the case. I am encouraged, because for the first time, I think I have heard Grey jabber, and babble more, and try to make words, and sounds more today and yesterday than he has ever made. There was a cup dropped in the kitchen today on the ceramic tile, and it startled him so much, he cried and covered his ears. I sincerely don’t think he heard much of that stuff before. Again, he heard enough to follow commands etc, but not enough to try to annunciate, and communicate effectively for his age. On the other hand, I feel like this kid is a ticking time bomb… little fungal balls sitting in his middle ear, just waiting to migrate to his central nervous system. Oh, if only I wasn’t a nurse.

Todd and I ended up delaying our Cabo trip until February…. Sigh. That is all I can say about it without being tearful ;)

Lilly and Owen are doing super. Preschool/Daycare is going great for all of them. Owen had a fearful time, and cried during drop-offs; but not anymore. They all wave, and we are on our way. Lilly is our little social butterfly. She likes to see her friends, and rock the baby dolls. Grey likes all the different toys. I think Owen likes to be the observer. He definitely likes the outdoor toys, but is a people watcher for sure!

I think they may potty-train themselves if we don’t get onboard soon. They are currently telling us “pobby” and disrobing, and taking their diaper off, and each time, or darn near each time, they will go to the use the toilet appropriately. Urgh. Seriously, just not geared up for training yet. But, they may leave us in the dust.

Allow me to jump back on my soapbox again. Hoping this will be the last time for a while… or nobody will read… lol.

Sooooo, the Colts coach Chuck Pagano is sick. He has leukemia. Turns out, new diagnosis, and a pretty favorable leukemia if there is such a thing.  The news for the last 3 days has been “showing support” and the players have been at the Simon cancer pavilion, and, they installed the NFL network into his hospital room so he could watch the games.  In fact, they are leaving the light on in his office until he returns. Great. The second story on the news website tonight is about 560 patients that received a medicine that was tampered with, and one person has already come down with fungal meningitis. Over a 20% mortality rate… that would be for just taking a medicine… unknowingly… Look, I hope that Mr. Pagano does well. He seems like a nice man. Seems like a good guy. But not every person that gets the diagnosis of leukemia gets a 2 hour long press conference on every local channel, and the whole city rallying around them, having t-shirts with their names printed on them, fan mail, care packages, and their co-workers (pro athletes) visiting the hospital to brighten the days of the patients. I hope that all of this brings awareness to Leukemia, illness both young and old for those sitting in their Colt’s box office even when it doesn’t affect one of their own; even when it doesn’t get publicity by the local news, or their agent asks them to, or “make a wish” contacts them. Don’t get me wrong, I could care less if I was sick, and a celebrity came to my room to say “Get Well”. Ask Brooke Schaefer. When I am sick, I have a few choice words for anyone that will listen… (Todd may enjoy a celebrity visit though J). AND, when my kids are sick, I am even worse. Ask any St. Vincent Women’s anesthesiologist…. I don’t’ have a good record with them.  But, really. I find all of it annoying. How about a spotlight on a single parent trying to take care of a sick kid, or a spotlight on how most people can’t have their famous boss get them into the cancer center the next day to see the oncologist, and have to wait for a few weeks with anxiety… you get my point. I hope Chuck gets better soon, but not because the Colts will benefit, or it will affect me personally…. But, because he is human, and he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like you and I, and I don’t want to see him nor his family in pain. Maybe, just maybe I know too much about how it worked in transplant at “that” facility, and I know that doctors and executive management teams are just salivating to get those VIPs in asap. Urgh… Good Luck Chuck… But also, good luck to those that are up on the BMT floor fighting for their lives too.

Off my soapbox.

Here are some pics from the last month or so.

                        This is Owen at the Fishers Fall Festival

                          Lilly with her beloved balloon at the festival

            Grey with this war wounds(thanks to Owen), at the festival.

 

All 3 at Ft. Harrison, we had what Todd calls a "Ladybug picnic". (Sesame Street Reference)

                             

 Rare to capture all 3... they were running... HARD, they slept very well.

                     Lilly and Owen liked the leaves, Grey... not so much.

                     Grey was too busy on the move exploring.

 

Not Making Friends In September

Yeah. I’m really not making too many friends yet this month. If you are in a bad mood, don’t read this, I don’t even know if this will be anything more than rambling and venting….

I know Todd may say otherwise, but I try not to “feel sorry” for myself often. I really don’t have time. I do work full time. My job seems to have more and more responsibilities and change very frequently. Todd and I both just had to travel for work in the past 2-3 weeks… so, there really is no downtime to think of “WHY”?

I don’t even really know where to start my rant about how I am feeling, other than WHY this can’t be a bit easier? I get I have triplets, I get I have multiples. Trust me when I say, I remember the heartache of infertility, and the thought of will we, or will we not have children. I went through my own grieving for that. This in itself is a different grieving. AND, let me say if I were going through infertility and read this, I would just hit the X, and close it and chalk myself up to being a whiner.  

So, my litte Grey. Those ears. The ears slid backwards. Back to drainage, back to hurting, despite no change in treatment.. still on antibiotics, still on ear drops as well. We are on week 7. We recultured a few weeks ago and still, ecoli. Can’t be a reinfection, must be still same infection just hasn’t gone away. I trust our ENT. I wouldn’t have picked him had I not have known him, seen him in action etc. I worked with him. But, staying the course wasn’t going to work for me. I demanded to have an infectious disease consult, and indeed called for another ENT opinion. Great minds think alike, because that was also the plan he had for us at our next appointment. He however doesn’t have to see my child get further and further behind in speech, constantly have his finger in his ears, tell me several times a day he has “wa-wa” in his ears because he cannot hear well, and they are so plugged up. That doctor does not go in, in the middle of the night, only to see a new little spot of blood on his blanket or sheet where his ear has drained, or see a 2 year old smile when he sees you pick up the ear drops, because I’m guessing it gives him a bit of relief… no, he doesn’t. I do. We do. And so, a day late, dollar short. I’m done.

So, our new ENT… Dr. C. Miyamoto(thanks to my mother in law for calling in a favor and getting us in asap) , and our infection disease doctor Dr. Belcher have a plan… sort of. Grey did 1 full week of antibiotic injections in his butt. He is very bruised. Also, he is on another oral antibiotic that I myself as a nurse, have only given to patients that have had tuberculosis or meningitis. It’s strong stuff. His CT scan showed lots of scar tissue in his ear, therefore, not a surprise that his speech is lagging a bit. Also showed the start of bilateral mastoiditis, and although we are not going to surgery yet to remove the mastoid bone, that isn’t out of the question in the future. And, then the real kicker, and I guess the real shocker to me is that his immunity labs came back having a lower than normal immune system, and although I won’t know what that all is about until I talk to Dr. Belcher yet tomorrow, I hope that this is, something that he will overcome when he gets older, that it’s the answer to the infections, that it will not entail a whole lot of injections, it will not hold him back for a “normal” toddler life, or kid life… and then wondering if its because his bowel was resected so young, and he didn’t get those antibodies because breast milk and formula really wasn’t absorbed nor given for a long time in his young days. I’m hoping that is the case.

So, that leaves me just… pissed I guess.

Allow me for just a second to wonder why I can’t just worry about the petty things that I see others worrying about. Even others with triplets. Comparing the 3 of them, or how much it changes their life, if they can still keep up with the Jones’s, am I teaching them enough, do I have enough structure for them, am I spending enough time for myself… seriously… I’m just angry. I know, feeling sorry for myself. But my poor kid that just cannot get a break. I think of how lucky some parents are that don’t have to deal with this, and those that may think their journey is difficult, or their kids journey is difficult because of bumps or bruises, or a broken bone, or whatever….

Add to that, my mom had her gallbladder out on Friday, and today was readmitted to a Ft. Wayne hospital with increased liver enzymes. I can’t be there, dealing with all that is going on here… Add to that, Lillian has a sinus infection and ear infection. Add to that Owen was still limping earlier this week, and has an MRI scheduled next week if still limping… BUT, perhaps I can cross that off my list, he has gone a few days without limping.

So, maybe I am being a bit dramatic. Maybe I just needed to type this out and I will feel better. And, I know God will only give you what you can handle, but at what point can I act as if I cannot handle anymore instead of just allowing things to pile on and on and on. And, to those that have a rosy life, can you not handle anything? Or if the biggest thing in your life is what kind of coffee you are going to have in the morning, seriously, get a grip. I know we all have issues, but really. I just need a break.

On a positive note, I know it can always be worse. In fact, we’ve had it worse. In fact, there are people now that I know have it worse. Perhaps this one long gripe is just asking for all of you to be patient with me, and to pray for us, all of us. September is an emotional month for the Maurer family as this is the month of Todd’s brother’s birthday, and also the month that he died. It’s just….. we really could use some good news, and maybe some downtime.

I have some pics from our weekend outtings I'll add later when I get time.

I’m not proofreading. Probably should have put that as a warning rather than a statement… lol J