Faith...

Well, nothing really new with the kids. Thank you GOD they are all doing well.
Today really was a good day. Each day with the trio is truly a blessing. I did get my hair cut, that too could be considered a blessing!
Todd and I went back to the hospital tonight to see the kids, as he didn't get a chance to go during the day. I had some struggling moments at the hospital tonight. Grey's health still worries me more than Lillian and Owen, and it's very difficult for me to trust those that take care of him, unless.... the nurses are truly exceptional.... those of you know who you are. And then there are those that are less exceptional, as in any profession. So anyone new, or anyone that a previous experience was less than stellar, I have an inner struggle. Read between the lines, I just had a hard time leaving the hospital.
And, so on the way home, Todd knows my struggle, and it was mostly silent. In that time, I really thought about faith. Faith in GOD, faith in healthcare, faith in myself as a mom.... etc. What I decided about this whole process is that you have to have faith that things are just going to be okay. Faith that GOD will take care of your children. I had faith that GOD would bring me children, albeit a difficult process to get there... at some point I just gave my issues to GOD and told him that do with it what you will, I am no longer in charge. I am not there yet.... but I need to get there. I can't be in the NICU 24/7, when they grow and go to school, I won't be there. When they get married and have their own children, I won't always be there. I'm learning that the worry will never end, but I just have to have faith.
I know this is really deep, especially to have Real Housewives of New Jersey on in the background while I type this, but.... in order to sleep, in order to indure the battle of having 3 kids in an ICU.... I have to have faith.