Uncertainty

Another day of uncertainty. Today I got a call from the neonatologist as I was getting ready to go into the hospital this morning that he is concerned about Grey's labs. He and I have talked about his labs for several days now, and they are not getting better. The main concern is Grey's WBC or white blood cell count... it is still elevated, like double what it should be. His platelet count is also low. Both of these both dependent and independent of each other point to an infection. SO, Grey got recultured today, consisting of a blood culture and a urine culture to see if there is any bacteria or perhaps most dangerous of all, fungus. The downside of Grey being on antibiotics for such a long period of time is allowing all the "good" bacteria to be killed off letting fungus to grow somewhere, mainly in the blood. We should know in 72 hours if anything grows, bacteria or fungus. Also an ultrasound was done today around Grey's wound site from surgery to look for an abcess, or an infection under the muscle layer of the skin. Nothing was seen. The bowel had increased blood flow to it, which also may be the start of the infection they thought he may have before called NEC. And, you may ask what I think is going on..... hmmm....
I honestly think neither of these things are going on. Now, don't think I am discrediting the medical staff at the hospital, this is not the case. I love the physician that is following him. He is diligent, and a super doctor. I just have a feeling it is neither of these things. I could be wrong. I hope it is neither of these things. I am hoping it is just taking a while for his WBC to come down after his ugly surgery. I think he may have an infection under the muscle layer that is not raring it's ugly head as an abcess yet. According to nurse Brooke, it was like "an explosion of sewage" once his bowel was cut open and removed in surgery, and it is likely impossible that some of that didn't stay in the peritineal cavity (belly area). He is on some of the strongest antibiotics that he can be. Perhaps it is just taking time for them to work. He did run a fever today.... but it has broke. I did hold him today. I read him a book called "WHO LOVES GREY". It is a personalized book that my aunt and grandma ordered for the kids. Such a great book! He was awake, and I think he even looked at the pictures when I put them in front of him. All I can do is pray for Grey, and be the best mommy I can be when I get to hold him. I think we will get to the bottom of his issues, and I know in my heart he will be fine. He is a fighter, a fiesty little man when he wants to be. Today as I was holding his pacifier in his mouth when he was crying in his isolette... I prayed over him, just asking GOD for wisdom for the medical staff, and strength for Grey, as well as health and wellness.

Owen got circumcised last night. He seems to be fine, all is healing well. He ate a bit better today. He weighs 5lbs 6 oz... WOW, I know!!! I think he had anticipation for the events he knew would take place last night!
Lillian was a trooper with her bottle today. She weighs 4lbs 6 oz. I fed her at 9pm, and she ate all 37 cc of it, which is a little over an ounce. Both her and Owen are on formula, while I save all my breastmilk for Grey. Grey now weighs 4lbs 9oz. (I think some of it is fluid still left over from having surgery though)

I sit here in this quiet house, in my chair, dogs both laying on their backs sleeping... all 4's up in the air, my husband on the couch, where he fell asleep, almost mid-sentence... and I am so thankful for the blessings I have. This quiet house is about to be transitioned to one full of love for 3 children, and chaos I am sure! I am certainly looking forward to that day when they are all home, healthy, and happy. It is a battle to keep my chin up and trudge forward, but when there is nothing but that to do.. you don't have a choice. The fatigue and emotions are unrelenting, but that is not about to change any time soon.