We are still alive. Reinforcements are coming this week. My family is coming for a while today. My mother in law is coming tonight, and helping me to the peds md appt tomorrow. My mom is scheduled to come later in the week. I hate to say I underestimated the power of 2 preemies, but I think I did. Luckily they are still on schedule, and doing fine. Grey is doing well too. His labs look better, and he starts getting feedings tomorrow. THANK YOU GOD!
But, wow, the underestimation. Underestimation of the fatigue. You know, when I did transplant, I was up all night a lot of nights when I was on call. Still had to think on my toes, make sure that the right organ was coming for the right person, and also be able to help pick who was a good suit for the organ, or organs in many cases.... I think the difference is that even though being up all night, I had to go into work the next day and function, I could still sleep a full night that night and be back on the right track. This my friends, is constant.
I also underestimated the pull to be with Grey in the hospital, and the guilt. I tend to be a guilty person, feel guilt and responisibility for things that I shouldn't... it's hard to tell if this is the case or not.
I am glad to say though, that Todd and I can do this if need be. (Atleast just with Lilly and Owen here!!!) I've come to figure out that it isn't fun, although having a few days to realize what a long way we've come from infertility to here has been worth the sleep deprivation.... but I'm done.... bring on the help!